So, we’re all introverts now.

In this time of unprecedented lockdown, isolation, and social distancing it’s time for many to face in to a potentially extended period of time in their own company. Pretty scary, right? Well, fear not, as I have spent almost fifty years inside my own head, in glorious, technicolour, surround sound self-isolation, and I’m here to guide you in your new adventure. Stay well, stay in, don’t be an arsehole in supermarkets, and here’s some tips from my one true area of expertise:

1. You can still talk. Mainly to yourself, but you can still talk. It doesn’t have to be out loud but that’s an option, particularly in rooms where the acoustics are good ( shower works well). You will discover just how good your powers of conversation are as you get to deliver both sides of it. You may find that the dialogue in your head plays out the way you wish people really did talk – there are days that it’s like an Aaron Sorkin screenplay in my head and, sure, there are other days when it’s a series of grunts but, for the most part, it can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to run the chat in your head tomorrow in the style of an English Period drama then you can: it can be your truth universally acknowledged. If Austen’s not your thing then perhaps a day that’s inner voiced by Stallone in Rocky will get you through: it ain’t about how many times you get hit, it’s how many times you get up. I’m paraphrasing. If you really want you can start making people up and have them join in; over time these people may become your friends and you can have them do things, write about it, and call it stories. I won’t tell. Your secret is safe with me. There are no rules. Just make your voices kind, you’ll be hearing from them a lot.
2. You can travel. There are uncharted galaxies in your imagination. Rich vistas, a vast wilderness, untrodden pathways, hidden glades, sun dappled meadows, cityscapes from the future, and ancient civilisations from the past. It’s all there waiting to be explored. Just close your eyes and drink it in. Or, you know, I hear Google Earth is pretty good.
3. And you can dance. For inspiration. Come on. I’m waiting. It might not measure up to Madonna or move like Jagger but nobody is going to judge you (assuming those “friends” you made up in step 1 earlier were nice friends). Now is your time to become the interpretative dancer you were always destined to be.
4. You can read. And read. And read. All human life laid out for you in the printed word: Shakespeare to Stephen King, Joyce to Jk Rowling. All of those conversations you had with yourself, all of those places you travelled in your mind, all of those dance-steps you took in your kitchen reaching for the back of the fridge, dusting off that jar of mayonnaise that’s been there way too long but now looks more appealing  – more responsible even – than schlepping round the supermarket, all of those things have been done before by countless published geniuses and you get to experience all of that too. Just by reading.
5. TV and the internet are also available.
6. Music is your friend. When you get fed up having the same conversation with yourself over and over it’ll drown yourself out and give you some temporary respite. When you need a soundtrack for your nascent punk-ballet that you’ve choreographed as part of your new routine to get dressed, it will provide. When it all gets a bit much and you just want to sit and have a good cry – entirely permissible and very much recommended in your new introvert reality – then all the sounds of human heartbreak are yours to listen to, wallow in, get lost in. And when you want to shout there’s Metallica. When you want to be still there’s Arvo Part. When you want to laugh there’s Tenacious D. When you want to shake it off there’s Taylor. And when you want hope and redemption there’s Springsteen. There is, and always will be, Springsteen.

I bet the view from inside your head is amazing. Enjoy it as much as you can and look after yourselves and each other.