Tag Archives: fiction

Heartbreaker

There was only one album I couldn’t bring myself to break. Ryan Adams: “Heartbreaker”. That’d be about right. It was his favourite and even though, right then, kneeling there amid splintered vinyl and ripped sleeves I hated him, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Hated him and still loved him. Heartbreaker.

I had stopped crying by the time Mum got in from work, heard the key in the lock and listened to her moving through the hallway into the kitchen. A tap running. The click of the kettle. The soft tear of her opening that day’s post, probably another reminder of how much we owed. How much things cost. I thought about cost as I looked down, again, at the letter in my hands. The one that had slipped silently out from between the rows and rows of records, undisturbed since he’d gone.

Dear Emily… please forgive me…

Fragments were all that stuck. I hope one day you’ll understand. Look after your mum. She loves you. I love you. Keep playing. Keep singing. He’d even made that stupid joke. Our stupid joke. Two kinds of music Emily: country and western. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive that. What was that other thing we used to say ? All those songs are about escape, that was it. This can’t be what he meant ? Can it ? We were supposed to escape from everyone else, not from each other. You and me and Mum. They were about hope.

Look after your mum.

“Emily ?” Mum was calling from the kitchen. The kettle had boiled and she must have made her tea. “You here love ?” I didn’t answer but her voice was enough to loosen the numbness, to bring me back to the room. I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees up to my chest, choking back the huge sobs that were rising up inside me. I didn’t want her to hear. “Emily ?”. More urgent now, footsteps approaching, padding up the stairs.

She loves you. I love you.

The door swung open and bumped against my feet. Someone was calling my name, pushing harder at the door. I felt my body slide slightly on the broken, shining, black records strewn around me and then there was someone next to me, arms around me, whispering my name over and over, pushing my hair back from my face. There was a moment then, just the briefest moment, when I felt like a child again; like someone else would make it alright and knew what to do. Knew. I pushed her away.

“You knew.”

She opened her mouth, covered it with her hands, tears tracing her cheeks and onto her fingers. She was shaking and simply opened her arms towards me, her face contorted with shock. She pleaded.

“I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know.” Her arms were still outstretched. “Please Em. I didn’t know. I didn’t want you to find out this way.” It hurt too much to look at her. She didn’t move, didn’t try to stop me, as I pushed past her out on to the landing and down the stairs. I pulled on my coat and dug my feet into an old pair of trainers, laces still done up, before opening the front door. Escape. That’s what all those songs were about. Escape but not hope.

 

……

This is story 30 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

This is a bit more of Emily’s story (from previous two posts, Concrete Cowgirl and Broken). I am still undecided whether Emily gets to tell her story in the first person or whether it falls to me in the third. And I’m still not sure if she has a happy ending…

Broken

Now you’re broken and you don’t understand

Emily stopped flicking the CD cases forwards and looked up, inclining her head slightly to listen. She gripped the last album she’d reached in her idle browsing. It was that Fleet Foxes record she’d read about; another folk record about family and death. Like she needed another one of those. The song that was playing over the shop’s PA had just been part of the background noise until its chorus had cut through into her consciousness. She glanced up and down the aisles of the shop, the tips of her fingers whitening as she clenched harder on the CD. That chorus was so direct and she knew that voice. There was an honest simplicity to it, a yearning ache that spoke to her. Who was it ? What was this ?

Something’s mixed up and something’s gone

She couldn’t catch all of the lyrics but some of the phrases stuck. Some of them were like salt water washing out an open wound. Into the second verse she realised that it must be the new Tift Merritt album, Dad had played the first two so often that her voice was like an old friend. Or a ghost. It wasn’t a voice she’d heard for a couple of years; it had been consigned to a small stack of his vinyl that she hadn’t been able to face yet. Her mum had wanted to clear them out but she’d begged her to keep them and now they gathered dust next to his old record player in the spare bedroom. Sometimes she’d thumbed through them and once she’d pulled one from its sleeve but the warm, rich smell of the wax had brought too many memories flooding back. There was nothing in that pile of records past 2006. Tift was still singing. He definitely would have bought this one.

And it’s these most loved losses are the hardest to carry…

The song was reaching its finish but Emily wouldn’t hear it. She felt a tightness in her chest and was suddenly short of breath. The strip lighting in the store was too bright and the D-E-F section in front of her blurred as she blinked back tears. The shelves and shelves of CDs that had initially welcomed her in now felt cold, all hard edges and smelling of cellophane wrapped plastic. Feeling sick Emily turned for the exit.

She stumbled out into the shopping centre and an alarm sounded behind her, red lights flashing on top of the tagging gates either side of the doors. She was still holding the Fleet Foxes album. Heart racing she ran back into the shop and replaced the CD on the first rack she came to. Her hands were shaking and she managed to disturb the fragile equilibrium of the display, four or five CDs and a piece of moulded plastic proclaiming ‘sale’ clattered to the floor. Emily fled not hearing either the continuing echo of the alarm nor the quietly optimistic final line of the song:

I think I will break but I mend

……

This is story 29 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

This picks up Emily’s story (from previous post, Concrete Cowgirl) a bit further down the track. The lyrics are from Tift Merritt’s song “Broken” and no copyright infringement is intended: in the unlikely event that Tift or anyone from Fantasy Records a) reads this and b) objects then I’ll happily alter it. And I’ll double my total fundraising take for Mind. I am a massive fan and only borrowed the words because they help me tell fictional Emily’s story.

Concrete Cowgirl

Emily lay perfectly still, flat on her back, and stared up. Straight up, unblinking, arms stretched wide, palms pricked by the blades beneath her hands. Soft when she was still, sharp if she moved. At the furthest reaches of her peripheral vision she could see the fuzzy green of the grass that was cushioning her head; otherwise nothing but a widescreen panorama of blue. A plane, too distant to be heard, crossed overhead and Emily watched it: a roughly doodled arrow sketched across the sky. She twisted her head to follow its trajectory but her view was broken by the cow, the sun reflecting back off its glossy, painted surface. It shone in a way that a cow shouldn’t. Emily became aware of the thrum of cars on the dual carriageway again.

“Moo,” she whispered, rolling onto her side and propping herself up on her elbow. The cow stared blankly at her, its mournful face forever frozen in concrete. Emily watched as a fly landed by its ear; there was no twitch of the head, no reflexive swish of its tail. She closed her eyes and heard a gentle buzz that receded to silence as the fly flew away before an angry exchange of car horns from the road broke the quiet. She opened her eyes and sat up, brushing grass from her arm and inspecting the dimpled imprint it had left on her elbow. As she pushed her way up to standing she caught sight of the cow’s feet, cemented into the ground, rooted and anchored in place. “You’re not going anywhere either,” she said.

A long chain of daisies snaked away from Emily’s foot, the result of a patient entwining as she had idled away the afternoon. She picked up the chain and held it draped around the cow’s neck, a cheery white and yellow garland to brighten up her bogus bovine companion. Dead wildflowers to decorate something that had never been alive. She tried to tie the two ends of the chain together but her fingers, usually so nimble, couldn’t work the delicate strands and the chain came apart in her hands. She was left clutching two or three daisies threaded together and a smattering of stray petals, like elongated white tears in her hands.

Emily stuffed the remnants of the daisy chain into her jacket pocket and patted the cow on its head; soaked in the afternoon sun it was warm beneath her hand. “I tried,” she said. Turning away she began to walk across the field, back towards the adjacent road, quickening her step as she saw a bus in the distance. She couldn’t make out the number but they all ended up in the same place. The impassive cow watched as she broke into a run. Had it been able to lift its head it would have seen a fading vapour trail high across the sky, the only sign of the plane that had slipped from view.

 

……

This is story 28 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

I acknowledge this one is not quite a story but more a hint at one untold (which I know and will one day try to write) but I saw the old concrete cows in Milton Keynes again recently and dug this out. There is something distinctly odd about them. I wrote this piece a while ago as an exercise in a creative writing course I was taking. The tutor suggested I take the “like elongated white tears” simile out. I am bad at killing my darlings so it remains for now but let me know if it’s surplus to requirements !

Fifty grades of Che

Rachel’s phone vibrated and the screen lit up announcing a new message. Tell me what you’re wearing so I can imagine relieving you of each item, piece by piece. He was nothing if not persistent. Her fingers tapped back a quick text. Go take a cold shower or something. I’m marking. She turned her attention back to the stack of papers in front of her: the combined efforts of her first year undergraduates’ take on whether Ernesto “Che” Guevara’s status as a genuine revolutionary in thought and deed was undermined by the commodification of his image after his death. Her phone shook again. Come home and mark me… with your long fingernails down my back. Jesus. Just watch some porn or something. Seriously, I’m busy. I’ve got fifty essays on Che Guevara to do before tomorrow. I’m really not in the mood for your sexting bullshit.

After a couple of minutes the phone’s screen faded back to black, powered down, and Rachel figured he’d got the message. Sighing she picked up the next paper. Emily Cunningham. She had attended every lecture this semester wearing the same tee-shirt: a screen print of the famous (infamous) Guevara image, beret, moustache, tousled shoulder length hair, idealistic stare into the middle distance. She also wore blue and white vertically striped tights which met a pair of boots painstakingly painted with a red triangle centred with a star. Inevitably she had a beret too. Her essay started with: whilst I inherently reject the Western Imperialist notion that education can be measured, believing instead that is is an inalienable right for each individual to seek knowledge for its own sake… Rachel sighed, skipped a few pages that waxed lyrical about Che’s travels through South America (so you’ve seen The Motorcycle Diaries, so has every other student on this course), and eventually found a paragraph that seemed to conclude that the West’s appropriation of him could never undermine his revolutionary spirit and zeal. She gave it a D. Realise you will reject my measurement of your inalienable right to learn but suggest you devote more energy to addressing the question next time or you’re heading for an inalienable fail. Nice tights btw. 

If this was the standard it was going to be a long night. Her phone lit up again. Sighing she glanced at the screen. Let me control your means of production. She decided to ignore it. Maybe he would get bored and give up. Half way through reading the next student’s work another message buzzed for attention. From each according to his abilities, for each according to his needs… and I’ve got strong needs tonight. Exasperated she replied. Stop just googling quotes about Marxism. They are not sexy, you weirdo. I am working.

Almost instantly another message arrived. Worker of the world unite. With me. You have nothing to lose but your chains. Actually maybe we could keep the chains ?

Ignore him. Stop replying, it’s just encouraging him. Mark the papers, go home, he will have zonked out on the sofa in front of some highly inappropriate website, you can have a bath and go to bed. Her phone nudged her again. There’s been a popular uprising.

Rachel couldn’t help herself. Now you’re just making stuff up. The other ones weren’t even Guevara and that one’s not anyone. Your “uprising” isn’t popular here. Minutes ticked by. He’s given up. Mark the goddamn papers. She skim read another essay, this one arguing that Che’s eventual adoption of violence as a means of overthrowing oppression was an inevitable consequence of his training as a doctor. Another D. She was just about to pick up the next attempt when she saw her phone shake and shimmer again. Seriously. This is the last one. I’m turning it off. One has to grow hard but without ever losing tenderness. Really ? At least this one was actually Che. Give him credit. At least he’s learning something tonight. She tapped out one last response. 

You can liberate me tomorrow and help me throw off the shackles of the yolk of capitalism. I’ll be your thesis, you be my anti-thesis and we can come together in synthesis. Maybe I’ll even use the shackles. No yolk though. That would just be… messy. Get some sleep. Love you.

Rachel turned off her phone and, sighing, picked up the next paper.

……

This is story 27 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

To be honest this slightly ridiculous story came largely from me finding the title quite funny and then trying to concoct something from that. Plus I got to tag a post with “sex” and “Marxism” and it’s not everyday that you get to do that… although I imagine that somewhere on the web there’s a site that caters.

Doubt

The church sat atop a sea of freshly fallen snow, looming out of the dusk as Sean approached. The previous night’s storm had blanketed the graveyard and had covered the winding path up to the front door. Sean’s footprints followed him in a straight line: the most direct route to God was across the dead.

He stamped his feet clean of powder once he was inside and paused to compose himself. It was as cold in the church as outside but at least he was out of the wind. Flickering candles picked out the altar, rows of silent pews, a font, but gave up little heat. He hadn’t expected to feel the warmth of the Lord’s love but its absence disappointed him nonetheless. Stepping into the confessional he awkwardly made the sign of the cross as he sat down.

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was…” He faltered. He couldn’t recall how long it had been since he’d confessed. It was a habit he’d slipped out of after he’d married Aoife and especially after Mary had been born. She’d been a difficult one, arriving early and struggling through her first few months, beset by illness. They’d almost lost her a couple of years ago in the winter of ’33. She was gripped with fever and he, Aoife, Dr O’Halloran and Margaret, his new health visitor, had sat with her in shifts, wrapping her in cool towels. Father Flynn had come down from the church and sat with them, leading the prayers. Twice she’d stopped breathing. Both times Margaret had revived her, forcing breath back into her lungs even as Flynn began his final administering.

“It’s alright Sean. Take your time. You’ve been through a lot.” The priest spoke in a reassuring but firm, low tone.

“My last confession was three years ago, Father. Before the wedding. Before the wedding and now, here we are, after the funeral. Perhaps if I’d come more often ? Been more diligent ?”

“God forgives. He sees the repentant man and he forgives. He didn’t take Aoife from us because your faith was found wanting Sean.” Flynn sighed. He had never had cause to question his own resolute belief and he sometimes wondered if some understanding of doubt would better equip him to bring the waverers in his congregation back into the fold.

 

“I know Father. That’s why I must confess.” There was a long pause as both men sat in silence. One searching for the right words, the other giving him the time to find them. Sean lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “I knew she was messing around. I saw the way he looked at her. James Ryan. Up from Cork originally he was. Always boasting about how he’d be leaving for America one day. It was hard for her, you know ? I was at the school all day and she never really took to motherhood. When we nearly lost Mary something changed in her, it was like she was scared of getting too close to her again. When I found out about the baby… Found out it was his…” Sean broke off, shaking his head. A sudden draught made the candles in the church leap and lean, some of them blew out and the confessional pitched further into darkness.

“What did you do child ?” asked Flynn.

“I took her to that place in Ennis,” he answered softly. “The parlour of Parnell Street, that’s what they call it. No questions asked. Pay your money and your wife’s mistake goes away and you never speak of it again. Except something went wrong. Was that your God, Father ? Was that his punishment for her for adultery ? Or for both of us for killing the baby ? Is that why he took her as well ?”

They both sat silently for a long time before Flynn offered up a prayer and talked of penance. He remained in his seat long after Sean had left. Against all that he’d been taught, against all that he knew, this was the worst sin he’d borne witness to. It was an affront to God. And yet, sitting there in the dark, he felt the first pinch of something new. Doubt.

 

……

This is story 26 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

This one, like number 25, also came from an unlikely source. It’s actually part of a longer sequence of stories I’m involved in with my writing group – I’ll add a link when they’re complete. Consequently it’s not typical for me in either style or theme. But I’ll take them where I can find them…

Guinness and chocolate

He took a long draught on his pint and set the glass back between them. A creamy white moustache burnished his smile. She pointedly dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a tissue and, with seeming reluctance, he wiped his face clean on the back of his sleeve.

“Spoil sport,” he said. “And, by the way, you’ve still got a smudge of chocolate on your cheek.”

“What ? Really ? Why didn’t you tell me earlier ? I ate that ages ago.” She rummaged in her bag for a vanity mirror, gave up, and turned her phone camera on herself. “Where is it then ?”

He grinned. “Just kidding. You look kinda cute when you get cross though so…”. He flinched as a scrunched up tissue flew across the table. It bounced neatly off his nose and landed in his pint. “Hey ! Now the gloves are off. That’s Ireland’s finest 5% stout you’re spoiling now. They’ve not been making this since 1759 so you could pep up its flavour with an old bit of paper.”

“Why’d you do that ?” she said, leaning forwards. “Why’d you have to know everything. It’s all facts. It’s got this percentage of alcohol and it was made in this brewery and this many pints have been drunk since the dawn of time.”

“I like facts,” he replied.

“But they don’t tell me anything interesting about you,” she said. “I think you hide behind all those facts. Tell me how you feel about your beloved Guinness ? How does it make you feel ?”

“Drunk.”

“Very funny.” She smiled despite herself. “It’s too bitter for me.”

“Me or the Guinness, Dr. Freud ?”

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know ? Anyway, as you should know, I prefer a nice slab of chocolate. Just letting it melt in my mouth, closing my eyes and drifting away. All warm and…”

“Steady. Is this going to get all ‘When Harry Met Sally’ ?”

“I’ll have what she’s having ? Ha, don’t worry. Besides you’ve seen me fake it often enough by now my dear…” She gasped theatrically and clapped both hands hard down on the table. The Guinness sodden tissue was returned at speed, catching her on the ear but she was laughing too much to notice. It was his turn to smile despite himself.

“It’s too sweet for me.”

“Me or the choc…”

“Both,” he interrupted.

“Ah come on. Admit it, we’re good for each other. Bitter and sweet. Facts and dreams. Pragmatism and idealism. All that stuff. Ying and yang.” She held out her hands across the table, palms up.

“Rough and smooth,” he added sliding his hands into hers.

“Only if I’m smooth,” she said. “I am smooth, right ?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know ?” he smiled. “Listen, I don’t know why we work. There’s no facts to it. But I guess that’s okay. I like your…”

“…wild and romantic flights of fancy ?”

“Your ideas. Your fizz. Your spark,” he finished. “Okay, okay, and, if you must, your wild and romantic flights of fancy.”

“You see ? Guinness and chocolate. Perfect together,” she declared. “Keep telling me the facts though. I like them really. They give those flights of fancy somewhere to take off from.”

“You just come up with that ?”

“It was a bit much, wasn’t it ? Bit cheesy ?”

“A bit. Come on we’ll be late.” They finished up their drinks and hurried out into the cold.

 

……

This is story 25 in a series of 42 to raise money and awareness for the mental health charity Mind. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are really welcome: http://www.justgiving.com/42shorts

This one came from an unlikely source. Challenged with baking something that had a personal story attached to it for a work event I (with quite a lot of help) settled on a Guinness and chocolate cake. And then I took the story part literally as I’m much better at writing stories than baking cakes. Hopefully they will like one of them.

Gravity

I listened to the dial tone until it flat-lined into a single note. Please hang up and try again. The receiver was heavy in my hand. Please hang up and try again. I pressed the red button to reset the phone, vaguely remembering the days when hanging up was more literal. The world was more physical then. We were more physical then.

Perhaps I should have seen it at the time but I always thought I was content in the moment. Now I think I was slow. What was it you used to say ? The appearance of things depends on how quickly you’re moving: that was it. That was typical of you. Making a joke about relativity when I was telling you how much I loved you. Still love you. You were always moving faster than me. I guess love must have looked different to you.

I knew what had prompted it. The reason I was holding the phone. The urge to make contact. On the radio this morning they’d babbled excitedly about gravitational waves, about detecting the ripples from broken stars across the furthest reaches of space. We can even hear it. God’s pulse. The universe’s heartbeat. But I needed to hear you, laughing at my ignorant wonder and explaining it all; rational, precise, sure. God’s pulse ? I could almost see you shaking your head, that mocking half smile. Signals converted to sound waves and frequencies pitched for human ears. You might as well let a child press random notes on a synthesiser. People will still claim they hear God. That’s what you would say, that or something like it. You were never cold though. Just different. I knew you’d hear the beauty in the sound of dying, ancient black holes, even if it was us that had given them artificial voice. You marveled at the ineffable but saw no guiding hand, no designer. Love had been the great unknown for you once. Something you felt but could not explain. The only thing I could ever express better than you.

There was something else I’d heard listening to that gravitational surge, something magical amid the traffic news and weather and stories of strikes and crime and footballers and missiles and award shows. I also heard hope. Or more accurately I remembered hope. I remembered us. To me it was like a distress beacon from the past; my distant collapsing heart, folding in on itself all that time ago, still yearning, still beating, only for its absent twin.

I dialled the number again, each digit echoing down the line and back across the years. You pick up.

 

……
This is the twenty second story in my series of 42 shorts that I’m writing to raise money and awareness for Mind, the mental health charity. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are appreciated: https://www.justgiving.com/42shorts/
Apologies to any real scientists reading. My knowledge of quantum mechanics is more akin to the narrator’s than that of his absent partner. I guess this is a companion piece to an earlier story in the 42: https://42at42.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/polaris/ 

Connection (epilogue)

Kate propped herself up one elbow and watched Jack slowly ease the bathroom door shut behind himself. “It’s alright, I’m awake.” Even through the half light of the early dawn she could see him smile. “You weren’t planning on making a quiet exit on me were you ?”

“God, no” replied Jack. “For a start I can’t remember where I left my trousers…”

“I think we were over there when…” Kate stopped and gestured vaguely at the hotel room door. She caught his gaze and then looked away, grinning shyly at the memory. He came back and lay down on top of the bed next to her, matching her head-on-elbow pose.

“Course I wasn’t planning on making a quiet exit.” He leaned in and kissed her lightly, lips brushing hers. As he was about to move away she whispered “good” and kissed him back, more forcefully, before playfully catching his bottom lip between her teeth. She stopped as she tasted the cool mint of fresh toothpaste on his breath, suddenly regretting last night’s coffee. The one they’d had afterwards as they’d joked about neither of them smoking. Stale coffee against that clean tang. She tasted bitter and that wasn’t how she wanted him to think of her; she’d surprised herself in the last few weeks that it wasn’t how she felt.

“You alright ?” asked Jack.

“Yeah, I’m fine” she said, running a finger across his chest. “Just thinking.”

“Always thinking. Thought I’d cured you of that ?”

“Oh, believe me I dissolve to a head spinning mess every time you walk into the room” sighed Kate batting her eyelids in exaggeration.

“Come on, not even a little weak at the knees ?”

“Maybe a slight tremble” acknowledged Kate with a smile. “That first time we kissed, maybe then. You remember that ?”

“A taxi rank in Huntingdon in the rain. Who’d forget that ? You took that cab from me as well…”

“Such a gentleman. Yeah, that kiss. I don’t know Jack, I don’t normally jump off trains with strange men….

“Less of the strange…”

“…with strange men and end up talking into the night before kissing them goodbye long after the last train home’s left.”

Jack leant forwards and pulled at a loose strand of her hair, easing it back behind her ear. “It was quite an unusual day, I’ll give you that. An unusual and wonderful day.”

“Thank you” she mouthed.

“So you had a slight tremble ?”

Kate groaned. “Stop fishing Jack. It was a nice kiss.” She caught the look of mock sadness on his face. “A fantastic kiss. In the Renaissance I’m sure they would have captured it in perpetuity in some grand sculpture or delicate painting.”

“Psyche revived by Cupid’s kiss” said Jack. Kate sat up in bed, laughing.

“How do you know that ?”

“I’ve been secretly researching stuff – art – to try and impress you.”

“I am impressed. I love that piece. I used to allow extra time for it on all of my tours even though most of the visitors were just shuffling their feet wanting to see the Mona Lisa or Venus De Milo”

“The one without the arms ?”

“Goodness you really have been researching.”

“I kinda knew that one anyway” said Jack sheepishly.

“I kinda hoped that you would” said Kate. “But Psyche and Cupid. I’m…” she paused. “I’m touched Jack, really, that you’d find out about that stuff.”

“Seemed important to you…”

Kate looked at him intently. “You know that story, right ? Cupid waking Psyche from her eternal sleep after she’s been tortured by Worry and Sadness and forced to endure a series of terrible trials.”

“Well that train was delayed for a long time…”

Kate rolled her eyes. “So you’ve cast yourself as Cupid – the god of desire ?”

“Seemed a decent likeness,” smirked Jack.

“I think Canova might have needed a little more stone dear,” said Kate reaching over and patting his stomach gently. “If I’d known you were going to be this cocky once we slept together I’d have kept you waiting a bit longer.”

“How long do you think it might be until next time ?”

“I don’t know,” said Kate arching an eyebrow. “Kiss me again and let’s see.”

 

……
This is the twenty first (half way !) story in my series of 42 shorts that I’m writing to raise money and awareness for Mind, the mental health charity. My fundraising page is here and all donations, however small, are appreciated: https://www.justgiving.com/42shorts/
This, as its title suggests, is a brief epilogue to a story I had published as part of an anthology of short stories called Delayed Reaction. The anthology combines stories from a group of talented writers whom I’m privileged to call friends. It’s available here: http://www.delayedreaction.org.uk – or contact me direct if you’d like to read more.

Ghosts of Hiroshima

Katsu muttered the words of the poem under his breath as he stared at the reflection in the pooling water beneath the steps. The ghost of a woman, her body overboard laid, in the waters around. It had rained heavily last night and the city now glistened, the sun radiating back from hundreds of puddles that dotted the streets each time it found room between the clouds. He disturbed the surface of the water with his foot, just a light tap to send ripples racing towards the edges, and the reflected figure slipped from focus, breaking apart and reforming, undulating, until finally he could see only black.

He looked up at the steps themselves, at the source of the reflection. He knew that it wasn’t her. It wasn’t anyone anymore. The bomb frozen shadow etched forever into the concrete wasn’t his mother. There were no features to discern in that dark silhouette beyond a leaned-on walking stick but that wasn’t how he knew that it wasn’t her. He had no memories of his mother that weren’t borrowed from photographs but he knew she hadn’t been here because she’d been on the river. Just as she was every day after he’d been taken away.

She’d been on the Motoyasu river right before it boiled.

The ghost of a woman, her body overboard… he murmured again, turning away from the steps, and continuing on towards the bank.

……

Yuri Mori hurried down to the boat, jostling amid the throng of women making their way towards the river. It made no sense, she thought, to live in the city and take this trip every day down to the factories. Why didn’t they just move everybody down there, down towards the harbour ? Nothing made much sense to Yuri anymore.

A woman in front stumbled and fell to her knees as the crowd moved forwards. Other women pulled her to her feet. She looked down at her grey overalls now scuffed from the dust on the ground and raised her hands in mock dismay.

“My monpe. My beautiful monpe. However will I find a husband now ?”

“You are lucky Aiko,” shouted another. “Now you have an excuse to visit Fukuya Store.” There were some weary laughs from those close to the exchange and the steady procession towards the river renewed. Yuri didn’t laugh. A year ago perhaps she would have: defiant and proud bringing her son into the world and naming him for victory. She shook her head, refusing to think of him, and pushed her way towards the boat again. It must be eight o clock by now and she did not want to be punished for being late.

As the boat nosed out into the river Yuri stood at the stern, as she always did, and watched the city start to slip away. Diesel leaking in the boat’s wake refracted the light on the water into a rainbow as it caught the early morning sun.  She closed her eyes and gripped the rail, scarcely noticing as the boat sounded its horn to signal its departure; their world was full of sirens and horns and klaxons. She vaguely remembered the all clear sounding out just an hour ago as it did each morning but it scarcely registered these days; a cacophony of warning for a catastrophe that never came.

That was why they’d sent him away. They said he would be safer in the hills. It’s your duty. Japan must have men for the future and you must work for its present. It is the right thing – the honourable thing – to do. He had been barely a year old when the military police prised him from her arms, tears running freely down her face.

A distant burr pulled her back from her thoughts. She raised her head to locate the sound and picked out a lone plane in the sky. Just a speck in the distance but coming closer. As it approached the women on the boat gazed upwards at their distant visitor.

“Another one ? What do they want with us today ?” said one.

“Don’t worry Miyu. Look how far away it is. Those cowards don’t bomb us from up there anymore”. It was Aiko who spoke, her overalls still dusty at the knees from where she’d slipped over.

“Perhaps they are bringing you your new monpe Aiko” laughed another woman.

“They are taking photographs I expect” said Miyu.

“Yes” said Aiko. “Photographs of us beautiful Japanese women in our fine clothes ! Their American women are too ugly for them !” She looked up at the sky, leaning back to present her dirty monpe, and gave a broad smile. The other women laughed and joined in with Aiko’s clowning, posing for an imagined photographer’s flash.

Yuri looked up the boat, turning her eyes away from the receding city, and briefly allowed herself a smile at her fellow women. Temporary respite from thinking of her lost son, her little Katsu. She clung to the hope that the war would soon end and she could take back her child.

It was her last thought before the world turned white, the boat was thrown from the water, and she and the women were burned to ash.

……

“What’s your name child ?” asked the tall man in the long coat. He didn’t look like the others. He was American, Katsu was sure of that, but he didn’t wear a uniform like the ones he’d seen on the streets coming into the city or the ones in charge of the boat they’d taken him on.

“He can’t understand you. We only took him in today.”

“Another from the hills ?” said the tall man.

“Yes. Far as we can tell he’s been there for six or seven years. The farmer didn’t want to give him up – he told us we were taking a good worker.”

“You think he was mistreated ?”

“Perhaps. Life in the hills is hard Mr Cousins. Life in Japan is hard but we can support him here and educate him. When you go back you should tell them about Katsu – tell your friends about him and the ones like him. That is what we use the money for.”

Cousins bent down to look more closely at the boy. His face was dirty and he carried scratches and bruises; perhaps the kind of scratches and bruises any eight year old boy might wear. Perhaps. He gently pulled the boy’s face up, lifting his chin so that the Director of the orphanage might also see. He raised his eyebrows.

“The man who had him was no worse than many in the hills. Don’t judge him too harshly, he took him in, kept him even after the city was destroyed. It is difficult for outsiders to understand how it has been since the war. For some here the sense of shame in defeat has been too hard to bear and they take it out where they can.”

“Hiba…ku.. ?” started Cousins.

“Hibakusha” corrected the Director. “It means people affected by the explosion but that’s perhaps too literal. It has come to mean more than that here since the bomb. There were so many stories about radiation, so much fear. I’m afraid that survivors have faced terrible discrimination.”

“But the boy was outside of the city. Wasn’t he beyond the reach of the bomb ? Beyond the area affected by fallout ?”

“Yes but he is an orphan with no history. Or no known history at least. People are suspicious. I doubt that we will find a home for him here.”

“He has no family at all ?” asked Cousins.

“None that we can trace. The farmer says he was taken from his mother when he was very young. He was given him by the police. It happened a lot, to keep the children safe.”

“The mother ?”

“She was in the city” said the Director. “We don’t know where but she must be dead. What was it the farmer called her ?” He paused, thinking. “Yurei. Yes, that was it. Yurei.”

“Her name ?”

“No, Mr Cousins. Yurei. It is not exact but in your language it means ghost.”

……

Katsu Mori leaned on the railings and stared down into the depths of the Motoyasu, the first time he’d seen it since leaving Japan thirty years ago. What had he expected to find ? There were no answers here. He wasn’t even sure he knew what he was looking for anymore. He had spent his life dislocated since that bright August day that ended the war. Raised first in the hills surrounding the city, working farmland as soon as he was old enough to be of use, before being handed in to the orphanage on Ninoshima. It was supposed to be a temporary refuge but he’d stayed for three years, no family in his homeland willing to make him a part of them. Eventually Cousins had found him a place in America. In time his anger had faded and he’d come to be grateful. In time he’d built a new life out of the wreckage of his old one; pieced together a second family in the country that had torn his first one apart.

Light danced on the water rippling against the wall of the jetty as the sun broke cover. The river was choppy here, continually broken by passing boats. Katsu shielded his eyes, raising his hand to his forehead, as if to try to see past the shimmering surface. A cloud overhead rolled across the sun dimming the twinkling lights on the water. Katsu gazed down, his own reflection now visible, staring back at him. He thought it looked like a ghost. There was a black and white photograph of his mother in the inside pocket of his suit jacket but he didn’t need to get it out to imagine her face swimming in and out of focus on the surface of the waves. Yuri. Yurei. Ghosts were the souls of the dead that were unable to find peace. She would be glad that he lived, even as he lived with the nagging, restless displacement of those orphaned by the bomb.

A woman’s face appeared in the water next to his own, smiling up at him; a quizzical, worried smile.

“What do you see Katsu ?”

Katsu looked up from the water and turned to his wife.

“I guess I see my home Asuka. I see home.”

“We can come back. Like I’ve always said, if you want to come back here for good then that’s what we’ll do.”

Katsu smiled at his wife and shook his head. “You know how children grow up and, when it is time, when they are ready, they leave home ? I see my home here Asuka but I am ready to leave it now,” said Katsu before whispering “the ghost of a woman, her body overboard laid, in the waters around…”

What’s that ?” asked Asuka, tilting her head to look at her husband, concern in her eyes.

“Just a poem they made me learn in school,” answered Katsu. “It always stayed with me. I wanted to see where she finally laid.” He looked out over the Motoyasu and tried to imagine his mother’s last moments. A woman he didn’t know, had never really known. Just one victim in thousands. Silently he vowed to take back what little he knew of her story, of all their stories, and keep them alive in the years to come. The ghosts should haunt us all, he thought.

Asuka placed a hand on his shoulder and, together, they looked back down at the river, back down at their own reflected, ghostly faces. A plane taking off from Hiroshima airport climbed above them and they watched its silhouette in the water before the sun reemerged and it disappeared in a dazzle of lights on the waves.

……

This is the twentieth story in my series of 42 shorts that I’m writing to raise money and awareness for Mind, the mental health charity. This one was also specifically written to mark the 70th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. If you’re interested in donating to a great cause then please visit my fundraising page. https://www.justgiving.com/42shorts/

Iron Sky

They called it Kaleidoscope. I called it freedom.

Leaving the grey of New London had never seemed possible before I tasted the fractured colours of K; now I could leave whenever the walls closed in a little too tight, whenever I needed escape. Or whenever I could scrape enough together to pay Dazzle. Beyond the border wall, out from under the canopy of the Iron Sky, they said it was still unsafe, better to stay in here despite the restrictions. There were rumours but no really knew. You’d have to be a long way past desperate to take on the Quarantine Watch anyway. I saw them once, over at Gate 2 near what used to be Marylebone I guess, take down an old man who tried to get out; eventually they let him, in pieces, casually tossed through the gate in a sack after they’d taken turns in hacking his limbs from his body. It was about then that I’d found K. Or Scope. Depends on your dealer. I’d found Dazzle and his “mobile emporium of highs” stashed inside his long, dark trenchcoat. He’d sidled up to me one evening just before curfew, slyly opened his coat to reveal a myriad of coloured stripes and multiple pockets, from one pulling out a small medicine bottle packed with diamond shaped pills.

“Kaleidoscope” he grinned, offering the bottle. “You can call me Dazzle. I might just change your life.”

……

I knocked on the door of apartment 9732. No response. I was about to turn and walk away when a low hiss from the other side stopped me. “Who sent you ?” Dazzle and the others had warned me that this would be the question and now it was time to discover if they’d been serious about letting me in on Rise or whether the whole thing was just their idea of a K addled joke.

“Over love, over hate” I whispered at the door. There was just a hint of light suddenly visible from the spy hole, as if someone had moved away from it on the other side. The door opened a fraction.

“Give me your hand” ordered the voice on the other side. “I need to be sure you’re not Watch.” Tentatively I placed my hand, fingers outstretched through the narrow space that had opened up next to the frame. Someone grabbed my fingers, closing what felt like their own gloved hand around my wrist as they pulled me in closer to the door.

“Hold still” said the voice. “There’s no other way.” A savage, lancing pain exploded in my index finger as something sharp pierced my nail and the flesh underneath it. The glove gripped tighter on my wrist as I instinctively tried to break free; something was stuck deep through my fingernail.

“Scope him” said a different voice behind the door. A woman. I felt something cold push its way into my finger through what I now realised was a needle. Something cold that set my hand tingling with a sensation that was, by now, very familiar to me. K. The numbers on the apartment door sharpened as my pupils dilated, sharpened and then began to vibrate before appearing to dissolve in melting rainbows of colour. Too fast. I’d never injected before. The rise was usually gentler, a steady climbing of sensory appreciation and heightened awareness. This was like being strapped to a rocket. Too fast. The numbers retreated and elongated faces swam at me from the doorway. I stumbled as the door opened and my hand was released, closing my eyes against the overwhelming explosion in my vision; the drug’s signature fracturing of light into its constituent colours.

“He’s fucked. What’d you dose him ?” asked someone angrily.

“I like to be sure” came the reply.

“He’s clean. Get him inside and get the lights off. Lay him down, he’ll be no good to us now tonight you idiot.”

Someone took my arm, guided me inside the apartment. “Easy now friend. Close your eyes, it’s easier on your visual cortex. Afraid we spiked you pretty good and you’re in for a rough few hours.”

……

It became almost routine for a while. Two, three times a week making my way across the city, just before curfew, to join up with the others in Rachel’s apartment. Sometimes Dazzle was there, picking up more pills to stash away in the lining of his coat, but most times he was out on the streets, taking the city’s pulse and probing for more Risers.

This evening it was Rachel herself who let me in. She was alone.

“You followed ?” she asked, same as always. I shook my head. I took a different route each time and knew the Watch’s pattern for all of them, they were numerous but usually predictable, content to let the slate grey walls and ceiling of the city contain us.

“I saw something” I started. “Something different.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow quizzically before turning back in to the apartment.

“Over near St Pancras. They’re repairing the Sky.” At this Rachel stopped and span to face me.

“Details” she said urgently. “Tell me everything you saw.” I thought it wouldn’t take long, I’d only noticed the repair drones as I’d slipped past the station at dusk, but she asked me to go over it again and again, squeezing out every drop of the scene as I described it. There are sections of the Sky that look accessible all over the city, several of the remaining taller structures that survived the clearings when they called Quarantine bump against it. They’re guarded, of course, but even if they weren’t why would anyone try to get up there ? The Iron Sky covered the city for its twenty square miles, encasing us all beneath its sleek, frictionless, grey surface. No features, no purchase, no escape. The unpriseable lid on our world.

“How many drones ?” Rachel asked again.

“Three” I repeated. “All repair models. Two weld units and another one I didn’t recognise but it definitely wasn’t armed.”

“Maybe surveillance” mused Rachel.

“No” I said. “It wasn’t a Buzzer. No cameras up there at all. I guess someone must have been remote piloting from inside the tower.”

“How close was the repair ?” she asked.

“To the tower ? Almost immediately above.” I said. “Rachel, you could stand on there and maybe reach out and touch it. There’s a hole in the Sky.”

She was about to ask something else when there was a loud knock on the door. Quickly she put a finger to her lips and mouthed “did you invite anyone” ? I shook my head, I left the recruitment to Dazzle. The knock came again. Beckoning me to follow Rachel approached the door.

“Who sent you ?” she asked as she pushed her eye up against the spy hole. I noticed her body tense as she took in whomever was outside. Without moving from the door or looking away from the spy hole she pointed to her left. My eyes followed the line of her finger to a shelf, at waist height, which was stacked with syringes. All of them were preloaded with K.

“No one sent me” came back the visitor. “It’s Quarantine Watch. Reports of a curfew breaker. Open up.”

“Just me and my husband” called out Rachel. “We haven’t seen any curfew breakers Officer.”

“Open up. This is a direct Watch order. Failure to comply carries the maximum penalty.” The Officer beat out the last three words with a heavy bang on the door. Everything then seemed to happen quickly. Rachel stepped back and picked up two syringes from the shelf next to us and motioned that I should do the same, she nodded at the door and whispered “open it”. I had barely turned the lock before I was forced back into the apartment, temporarily caught against the wall as the weight of the door pushed me back. Rachel defiantly brandished the syringes, one in each hand, at the incoming Officer; she took a step back for each step into the room he took.

“Narcotic use is strictly forbidden in Quarantined cities” said the Watch Officer. He reached down to his leg holster and drew his pistol. “I am authorised to neutralize all users with lethal force.” Rachel looked imploringly at me, panicked. Without anything else to hand I stepped forwards behind the Officer and plunged the needle I was holding into the back of his neck, the only flesh exposed above his black Watch coat. The tip of the syringe snapped off, the skin unbroken, and the Officer turned, bringing his gun round to train on me. I dropped what was left of my needle and raised my hands.

“Keep your eyes on me” barked Rachel suddenly, moving forwards. As the Officer swiveled back to face her he was met with two syringes pushed straight into both eyes. He brought up his arms to try to ward Rachel off but she launched herself at him pushing the twin needles further into his pupils, just managing to depress the plunger on one of them before she was shoved back to the floor. The Officer clawed at the syringes, yanking them from his eyes, and shaking his head violently in pain. Blood ran freely from his face and he blinked furiously to try to regain any kind of vision. Unsteadily he raised his gun back in front of him, waving it blindly. Rachel dived towards me as he fired, missing her by several feet, clearly unable to see. Then he sank to his knees and pressed both hands to either side of his head, his body beginning to shake convulsively.

“It’s the Scope” said Rachel. I watched as he shook, tearing at his own face and head with his hands, screaming now. Finally he pitched forwards and lay still on the apartment floor.

“I tried… I tried…” I stammered.

“Neck’s no good” said Rachel. “They’re all augmented. Titanium weave just beneath the skin, it’ll turn away a blade.” She nodded at the fragments of needle on the floor. “Or a syringe. Some rumours say it’ll stop a bullet but no one’s ever shot one of these bastards to find out.”

“What happened to him ?” I asked.

“K. They can’t tolerate it” said Rachel. “It’s not just their skin that’s augmented, visual cortex too. Enhanced so they can see better in the gloom.” She let out a short, hollow laugh. “The only people that can see beneath the Iron Sky. They’re not called the Watch for nothing.”

“I don’t understand. We can use it. Why can’t they ?” I said.

“I don’t understand either” said Rachel. “Not fully but the K overloads the sensory parts of the brain and seems to interfere with the augmentation – it’s like it just overloads them. That’s why we use K as the test.”

“For Rise potentials ?”

“For anyone that turns up that we don’t know” said Rachel grimly.

“But my syringe bounced right off him ? The test wouldn’t have worked” I protested.

“They’re not perfect” said Rachel. “It’s the nails. Weak spot. For some reason they either don’t know how to work the weave into keratin or figure that it’s tough enough to protect against accidental Scope exposure. There and the eyes – as far as we know they’re the only places to pierce them.” Rachel had been breathing hard as we talked and she’d not been still, first closing the apartment door before then appropriating the Watch Officer’s gun and searching him for anything else that she deemed useful.

“He’ll be missed” she said looking up at me. “We need to get out of here, bunker down somewhere else and work out what to do.”

“It’s curfew” I said quietly. “No one survives out there after dark.”

……

Rachel knew a place near St Pancras and she wanted to head that way to see the hole in the sky.

“Strip him, put his uniform on” she gestured at the prone, dead Officer on the floor.

“Aren’t I a little short to be a stormtrooper” I muttered as I began to remove his clothes. Rachel didn’t respond but why should she ? The reference didn’t register. Barely anyone remembered things from before Quarantine. Everything had been confiscated – films, books, web access – as they’d covered the cities; closed the skies and closed our minds. I’d hung on to fragments from when I was a kid and recreational use of K had brought some of it rushing back; I think that was how Dazzle saw it, as a key to unlocking those things that Quarantine had taken from us. A revolution in the head he sometimes called it, a phrase I dimly remembered but couldn’t place. That was the thing about living under the Sky: it pressed you down, flattened your horizons, made you accept and forget.

“You set ?” asked Rachel. The uniform didn’t really fit, he’d been a couple of inches taller than me, but I nodded hitching up the regulation black trousers.

“The coat will hide the worst of it” I said.

“It’s maybe forty five minutes to St Pancras” said Rachel. “If the patrols are the same as the day then it’ll be hard to avoid all of them.”

“How do we do this ?” I asked.

“You walk like you belong” she replied. “If we’re seen you rough me up, keep me in front of you – turn the gun on me. Play it like a curfew infringement.”

“What if someone gets up close ? They might just kill you for being out.” Neither of us knew Watch protocol after curfew. No one did because no one was known to have returned from being caught outside once it started.

“We’ve got no choice” insisted Rachel. “There’s a Watch station at Baker Street and another one just past St Pancras, at King’s Cross. If a patrol interferes tell them you’re taking me to one of those, tell them you suspect I’m Scoped and you want to torture me when I come down to find out who deals for me.” I looked skeptical. “I know, I know. It’s the best I’ve got. They’re crazy about cracking down on K so maybe it’ll work.”

“And if it doesn’t…”

“If it doesn’t” said Rachel holding out two loaded syringes, her eyes suddenly flashing in defiance, “then we fight.”

……

We were lucky. I don’t think either of us had appreciated before how dark the city was with the lights switched off. During what the Watch told us was “day” they illuminated New London from the Sky, thousands of low wattage panels giving off a weak, grey glow, supplemented sporadically by the higher powered lights and search spots on guard towers. Drones buzzed intermittently up and around the surface of the Sky, repairing broken panels or running surveillance, occasionally dispatching a Hunter, their armed, deadly counterparts.

As we picked our way up Marylebone Road it was easy to imagine we were invisible, melting back into doorways, sticking close to the buildings running up the side of the street. We saw no one until, approaching what used to be Madame Tussaud’s, Rachel ducked to a crouch and signaled that I should do the same. We could hear shouting punctuated with gun shots.

Silently, tight to walls and cover, we crept alongside the glass frontage of the University on the opposite side of the street. There was a group of four members of the Watch gathered underneath a small light tower running from a portable generator, its ambient hum loud enough to mask our whispers. They had pulled a number of the old waxworks from inside the long abandoned Madame Tussaud’s and had arranged them across the pavement, statues I didn’t recognise, long dead kings, queens, princes, princesses, and celebrities. The crowned face of someone presumably royal shattered as one of the Watch took pot shots at it, splinters of wax peppering the street beneath the old green dome of the Planetarium. A shout of appreciation followed.

“We need to keep going” hissed Rachel.

“They seem pretty trigger happy” I said. “If they see us I don’t know if they’re going to buy the story.”

“Then don’t let them see us” she shot back. “It’s either that or play musical statues and hope they shoot the dummies and not us.” I held out my shaking hand. “Exactly. We move.”

We were lucky. As we inched forwards the Watch, seemingly bored of taking shots at single targets, began to move their stationary prey, putting together a group as if they were arranging some kind of macabre family photograph. They built their new target directly in front of the dome and, consequently, were facing away from our side of the street. We continued to move forwards as quickly as we could, fading into darkness again as we got further from the remote light source. Just before we ducked down Luxborough Street on the other side of the University I looked back to see all four of the Watch lined up, backs to us as they took aim at their creation. No one had seen the British Royal Family since Quarantine – they were either dead or had been absorbed into the post Quarantine hierarchies of power depending on who you believed – but I watched their glassy eyed, wax replicas explode in a hail of bullets as we hurried on in search of safety.

……

It was Dazzle that opened the door when we arrived. The rest of our flight across the city had been free of the Watch as we’d crisscrossed the streets south of the Marylebone Road, hugging buildings and embracing the darkness of curfew. There was a brief moment of hesitation as he noted my uniform, quickly overtaken with relief as he recognised both of us.

“Thank fuck” he said. “You knew the pass phrase but when I saw him stood there in all that I thought we must have been compromised or something.”

“We have been” answered Rachel. “Or, at least, I have been.” Quickly she proceeded to fill Dazzle in on the events of the past couple of hours, from my report on the Sky repair through to the execution of the Watch Officer and our escape across the city. Dazzle had lost his customary smile as he took in the news.

“Don’t worry” said Rachel. “I know we can’t stay here for long.”

“You can stay as long as you need to Rachel. You know that” said Dazzle holding her gaze. She shook her head.

“There’s too much at stake. If they trace us here then that’s another Rise safe house gone. And you’re our best recruiter.” She paused and smiled, genuine affection in her eyes. “I won’t risk you Dazzle. Not after everything…”

“She always was stubborn” said Dazzle, winking at me. “Maybe that’s why we’ve survived as long as we have.”

“We wouldn’t have made it across to you without her” I answered.

“I don’t doubt that” he said. “Look at you, worst fucking Watch Officer I’ve ever seen in my life.” His laughter broke the tension and I found it impossible not to join in. Even Rachel, briefly, allowed herself to laugh.

“Get changed and then get some rest” she said finally to me. “There’ll be some spare clothes in the back room. I need to talk to Dazzle, work out what to do next.”

“I might be able to help ?” I offered.

“Rest” she said more firmly. “I need you strong. When curfew breaks we’re going through the Sky.”

……

I hadn’t intended to sleep but must have drifted off, lulled by the low, whispered exchanges between Dazzle and Rachel. Just before dawn they woke me and told me the plan. They sounded certain but we all knew it was suicide.

As the klaxons sounded across the city signaling the end of curfew we stepped out of Dazzle’s apartment. The streets got busy quickly, anyone that had been designated for work was expected to report to their office promptly; as with everything else punishment for lateness was swift and punitive. We joined the steady flow of people headed towards St Pancras station – there was a large work site there – keeping our heads bowed, not speaking, blending in. Beaten down. We were all beaten down.

As we approached the station we saw the hole.

“Would you look at that ?” said Dazzle.

“Don’t stare” said Rachel. “It’ll draw attention. Look at everyone else.”

“They’re not looking” I said incredulously. “They don’t even see it.” Alongside us the ranks of commuters trudged steadily forwards, eyes down, heads bent.

“The Iron Sky teaches you not to look up” said Dazzle. “There’s nothing up there anymore. Keep your head down and your focus narrow. It’s the great achievement of the Watch – they keep us pliant by covering us over.”

We made our way towards the redbrick clock tower, largely unchanged since its Victorian beginnings save for steel platforms built out from the steeple to give access to the great and terrible iron ceiling that spanned New London. There was a heavy Watch presence on the ground, mingling amongst the throng of people headed for work. Directly beneath the tower, where we hoped we’d find access, stood three guards.

“There’s too many” muttered Dazzle.

“Hey, relax” said Rachel. “Let’s get closer, see if there’s a weakness. Perhaps they’ll change over when a new patrol comes around.”

“No good” he replied. “Then there’ll just be more of them.”

“This was the plan ?” I asked. Rachel sighed.

“We had to come and look” she said. “There was no way to know what kind of presence they were going to put out.”

“The hole’s still open” said Dazzle glancing up. “Repair drones haven’t finished but it’ll be sealed in the next few hours. If you don’t go today you don’t go at all.”

“We” said Rachel. “If we don’t go today we don’t go at all.” But Dazzle was moving. He strode away from us before breaking into a run. That got the Watch’s attention, no one innocent ran underneath the Iron Sky. Pulling up suddenly as space opened up around him, people scattering from the running man that would inevitably bring down the Watch, Dazzle opened his coat and span. The long rainbow stripes in his lining rotated and blurred, streaks of vibrant colour lighting up the morning gloom.

“Don’t waste this” he shouted, not looking at us but we knew where it was directed.

Everyone was staring at the spinning, whirling madman and I pulled Rachel towards the tower, switching my attention between Dazzle and the three guards. They hadn’t moved. Dazzle, slowing, seemed to realise that despite his efforts our path was still blocked. He began to pull bottles of K from the multitude of pockets in his coat, opening them and throwing the pills into the air like confetti. Kaleidoscope rained down on the morning commuters. And then, opening his arms wide, he began to speak.

“To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people.”

“What’s he doing ?” Rachel said. “They’ll kill him.”

“He’s recruiting” I answered. “Recruiting and giving us a chance.” The guards had begin to move towards him, hands reaching for holstered pistols.

“And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful. To make this life a wonderful adventure. Let us use that power! Let us all unite!”

“Those words” said Rachel shaking her head. “Where did he get those words ?”

“Fragments” I answered. “He uses so much K, who knows what he can remember from before Quarantine.” The guards were closing on Dazzle now leaving a clear route in front of us to get beneath the clock tower. Dazzle briefly caught my eye and nodded, I could have sworn he even winked, before he began spinning again, shouting up at the sky.

“We rise ! Into freedom ! Into freedom ! There’s a hole in the sky my people. Raise your eyes and look. Into…”

As we slipped beneath the tower we heard the shots and then there was silence.

……

The tower was empty until we got to the top. We’d climbed stair after stair before, finally, emerging in a room that gave access to the platforms and, ultimately, the Sky. A drone operator, crouched over his controls, was on the other side of the room, directly at the exposed opening to the platform. Most drones were automated but the hole must have needed repair work necessitating a more precise, human touch.

Rachel pulled the gun that we’d taken from the Watch Officer out from where she’d tucked it under her coat and cautiously stepped into the room. The operator was engrossed in his work and the sound of the weld units just outside masked her approach; he didn’t look round. Rachel took three quick, decisive steps across the room and brought the gun down on the back of his head sharply. He slumped forwards, unconscious.

“Augments ?” I asked, crossing the room to join her.

“He’s not Watch” she said. “Not military at least.”

We made our way out on to the platform and both stopped. There was a great tear in the Sky, a hole about six feet across punched in to the metal. Two weld drones flitted about around it whilst a third drone, clasping a steel plate, hovered alongside, now awaiting instructions that wouldn’t come from its incapacitated operator.

“Look at the hole” said Rachel. “Look at it. Something’s made that from outside. It’s been blown in. Blown in from beyond Quarantine.” I nodded. Both of us were silently weighing the implications, neither of us really understood.

We walked along the platform towards the hole. As we passed the hovering repair drone Rachel paused to run her fingers over the plate it was carrying. The weld units ignored us, programmed only to mend. I didn’t hesitate, the hole was exerting a pull now that I couldn’t deny. It was only when I was directly beneath it, close enough to reach up and grasp the edges, that I stopped.

Suddenly it sounded like a swarm of angry bees had arrived. I looked back towards Rachel to see two Buzzers, the Watch’s primary surveillance device, rise up to the platform next to her. The red lights on the front of the Buzzers were blinking slowly indicating that their cameras were broadcasting.

“Let’s go !” I yelled back at Rachel. “They know we’re here.” She made to move towards me but the drones circled her position, flying around her, tightening their radius on each pass. Again she took a step and this time one of the drones struck her, glancing off her shoulder.

“Come on Rachel” I shouted. The drones were frenzied now, repeatedly flying in and striking. I started back towards her thinking I could drag her along the platform. She’d raised the gun and fired off a shot but they moved too quickly and it had been knocked from her hand, falling from the side of the platform down to the street below. The commuters, already shaken from their usual accepting complacency by Dazzle’s sacrifice, looked up, startled, at the sound of the gun shot from above. I had almost reached Rachel when I saw another drone hove into view over her shoulder. Registering the look of terror on my face she managed to turn to face it: a Hunter. Military grade, armed, and with one purpose: to suppress.

“Run !” she screamed. As the drone opened fire she spread herself, opened her arms as wide as she could like a shield. A fragile flesh shield. Unthinking I ran and leapt for the edge of the hole, grasping its sides with both hands. The jagged metal dug into my palms and I felt blood begin to run over one wrist, down my arm. I heard Rachel drop to the platform and the crowd below shout and scream, final witnesses to her death. I couldn’t hear the Hunter but knew it must be closing in. I was strong enough to hold on to the hole but too weak to pull myself up and so I closed my eyes and waited for the end.

Gunfire rattled out again and I flinched expecting pain. I should have felt it before I heard it. There was a metallic clank behind me and then voices overhead.

“Pull him out” said someone. “I’ve neutralised the Hunter.” Hands grabbed my wrists and I felt myself being lifted. “We’ve got an audience” said the voice. I opened my eyes and looked down at the crowd staring up at someone being pulled through the Sky before I was lifted clear and put down on top of the iron ceiling that had enclosed my world for so long. It was slippery and something was falling on my head. Wet.

“Rain ?” I asked.

“Rain” said the voice. “There’ll be time for that later. We need to move.”

I looked up at him but my eyes looked straight past his face towards a glow on the distant horizon, the first light of the sun rising in the morning, struggling to make itself known amid the rain clouds.

“Where am I ?” I managed. “Who, who are you ?”

“We’re the Risen” came the answer. “And you just left Quarantine.”

……

This is the seventeenth story in my series of 42 shorts that I’m writing to raise money and awareness for Mind, the mental health charity. Dazzle’s sacrificial speech is from Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” – no copyright infringement intended. The story, in part, was inspired by the Paolo Nutini song “Iron Sky”. If you’re interested in donating to a great cause then please visit my fundraising page. https://www.justgiving.com/42shorts/